“You shall not commit adultery.” – Exodus 20:14 (NIV)
Sometimes God’s Word is ambiguous and open for interpretation. This part of the Bible is not one of those times. God makes it pretty clear in the Ten Commandments that you should not commit adultery.
The other night I was watching ABC’s Nightline that dealt with this topic. The debate centered around this question: ARE PEOPLE BORN TO CHEAT?
You can see the entire 90 minute debate by CLICKING HERE. I strongly encourage you to take the time to watch this extremely interesting debate.
The panel consisted of Ed Young, senior pastor of the Fellowship Church in Dallas, Texas, and Jonathan Daugherty, founder of “Be Broken Ministries” and recovering sex addict, facing off against author Jenny Block who claims to be happily married to a man while having a girlfriend and Noel Biderman, founder and CEO of ashleymadison.com.
Some of you may remember ashleymadison.com from THIS OCTOBER 2008 BLOG POST. In that post, I talked about seeing this commercial one night on ESPN…
The ashleymadison.com mission statement is “Life is short. Have an affair.” Another commercial for this website (which is way too provocative for me to put on my blog) has a man and a woman being extremely physical and passionate with each other followed by the words, “This couple is married. But not to each other.” Their website has the “100% Guaranteed Ashley Madison Affair Guarantee” that says, “Have an affair to remember or we’ll give you your money back!”
I’m not sure what kind of emotions that stirs up inside of you – possible anger, sadness, or indifference.
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Adultery is real. Adultery is serious. Adultery is all too common in today’s society. If you google “adultery statistics”, you will find statistics that suggest that anywhere between 25-55% of married men and 15-45% of married women have committed adultery.
In this debate, the author and the CEO suggest that the Biblical concept of marriage is setup for failure, arguing that we are not wired to be with just one person in a marriage relationship.
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So…
Here’s the question…
ARE WE BORN TO CHEAT?
Thoughts?
This is a very good question Brian. Since its pretty clear that we as humans are born to sin (which is extremely unfortunate I think even many non-believers would agree) and since being unfaithful to a spouse is certainly a sin, I personally can’t argue with the statement “we are born to cheat”. That being said, I thank our loving and merciful God that through Him absolutely nothing is impossible…and even better, many things are made easy for us in our day to day lives, simply through being broken and “remade” in His image. Yes, we are born to sin, but through our desire to be like Jesus, we don’t have to, and can even resist quite easily when we truly seek righteousness through our Lord. That’s my take in a nutshell.
Just when you think you’ve seen it all…
Born to cheat? no.
Born to win? Yes.
Cheaters never win.
Winners finish strong!
Here’s my take:
Saying “we are born to cheat” is a cop-out. Anytime someone tries to shift blame and responsibility to something or somebody else, that is being a coward. People can say “we are born to cheat” or “my spouse is emotionally/sexually/relationally/spiritually distant that it forced me to cheat” or any other excuse for their actions, but ultimately he/she still had a choice to cheat or not to cheat. Take personal ownership of your actions.
I think “We are born to cheat” is a claim that could only seriously be made by a non-believer. Non-believers (almost exclusively being of this world), are pretty generally known for their predilection towards not being accountable for their own actions. It’s just one of the many ways the truth has been stepped on by a society more comfortable with the idea that the “truth” is different for every person (lol, what a crock that is). I’ve always found it alarming how easily many place blame elsewhere, which is indeed a cop-out. One thing I love about those with a true heart for Jesus; no matter the struggles put in our paths, the desire to “own up” and become better through our trials (as opposed to succumbing to the weak ways of the world around us) is always a goal.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, cheating (in many facets of life, not just infidelity) is just one of the many ways of the world. Though I’m sure there are some unsaved folks in the world that would never be unfaithful to their spouse, I just believe that it really is a relationship with our Savior that can quite easily make “we are born to cheat” a mute point.
You totally reeled me in with this blog post. It is what I research and I am completely fascinated by the dark side of human relationships. Here is what I will say: biologically, we are hard wired to have the desire to procreate in the most proliferous way possible…and when you couple that with the hormones that are present at the off set of a relationship and die off during the more stable phases then yes, you could argue that we are hard wired to cheat. That said, there is plenty of biological debate on the other side of this issue, too. Very emotionally charged stuff; super interesting, though.
I’d be interested to see you debate the other side of that issue “biologically” Ashley.
Good grief! NO, we’re not born to cheat! That’s one of the most pathetic cop-outs I’ve ever heard. We ARE bound up by sin from birth but that does not mean we’re “born to sin”! We’re born to find our salvation and satisfaction in Jesus Christ! God puts every one of us on the earth with that end in mind. Can you imagine that God provides for the creation of a person who is just “born to cheat”? There’s a Greco-Roman fatalism in that logic that isn’t worthy of the people of God.
Ashley’s statement that we are instead “wired to cheat” (implying that our bodies are put together in such a way so as to make us very susceptible to cheating) makes a little more sense, possibly, but then, only if you don’t believe in God. If you believe in God, do you truly believe he has made you to cheat? Created your wonderful body in such a way that you *have* to break his commandment? Good grief! I hope not!
I’m certainly aware of the force of this temptation. I wouldn’t be commenting if I didn’t understand it. I’m aware of the power of sin, and the horrible ways it entangles me. But we are underestimating the power of Christ-in-us if we let ourselves believe even for a moment that we are forced by the Evil One (or by our own lusts) to do ANYTHING contrary to the Word Of God.
While I’m sure you all understand and appreciate this, I know many Christians who do NOT, and it is so heartbreaking that to find people who “have found Jesus as their Savior from the penalty of sin, but have not found Him as their Savior from its power.” (Hannah Whitall Smith, The Christian’s Secret Of A Happy Life)
Gladly. Opposing camps on this issue would argue that, because Humans are too evolved as a species to have to worry about dying out due to lack of procreation, their primary concerns become things like need for approval and affiliation. Both need for approval and affiliation are culture-based measures, but in the United States monogamy (though not practiced as much as some would like) is the norm. So people are able to get more approval and affiliation by staying faithful to their committed relationships.
Needless to say there are also substantial gender differences in why people seek relationships outside of their spouse or partner.
Great discussion…
I keep coming back to 2 Corinthians 5:17 – “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”
This is just more evidence that society is trying to devalue or even get rid of the word “commitment” from its vocabulary. You see, if you never have to be committed to anyone; a spouse, friend, God, etc. You can do what you want with no consequences.
This is quite sad. What is even more unfortunate is that people don’t realize it and they hide behind false “commitments” and trick themselves into believing they are loyal and committed people, as they point to the fact they have been a fan of the same sports team through the highs and the lows. Or they point to the fact they have been at the same job, that they probably hate, for a long time. They say, “Look at me I am committed!” But they are committed to things that don’t matter.
It is becoming increasingly apparent that people don’t want to commit to anything that matters anymore. Because if they do, they will be asked to sacrifice their own personal desires and wants, and that is just not something more and more people are willing to do.
The whole adultery, affair, high divorce rate, marital problems, etc. problem, is to me, a symptom of a bigger issue. That is, not teaching young people how to being in relationships that matter. As the world continues to tell them it is all about the physical appearance and physical pleasure of a relationship, they are not learning how to actually be in a relationship with another person. They are not learning what real commitment to a partner is, they are not seeing committed relationships played out on television, movies, or even for many, their own homes. The idea of “dating” and how many young, or for that matter some older people, choose a mate is extremely flawed. We tell kids, “just date around and have fun”. While it is important to date until you find someone you are compatible with, we are missing out on an important step. The actual relationship. The focus is on the “have fun” part, and the actual steps and process of building commitment and a relationship that will be great during the good times, but remain strong during the tough times is forgotten about. Which goes back to the “commitment” issue. People aren’t willing to put in the time and effort to be truly committed to something that matters, so they move for partner to partner when the fun fades out from the previous relationship. Then they find someone who is a lot of fun and decide to get married and find out that marriage isn’t always “fun”. So they make light of the commitment they were supposed to honor and find ways to have “fun” outside of marriage or they end it. (please note that I do know there are circumstances of abuse, neglect, etc. that can ruin marriages and relationships, but I am talking about the average people who make up most of the adultery and divorce statistics who weren’t happy or just unsatisfied with their marriage and do these sorts of things.)
Sorry, I will get off my soap box now
Based on experience, I have little patience with this subject. We were born to choose. Freedom. or Bondage. Those who choose bondage, or to stay in it as long as they can are going to attempt justification at all cost. Even going on television telling the world that adultry is natural.
Now I will get off my soap box. quickly.